


Equilibrium

by breatherepeat



Series: Learning to love yourself [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Established Relationship, Family Bonding, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt, Sexuality, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-08-20 12:08:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20227609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breatherepeat/pseuds/breatherepeat
Summary: During the process of living his truth, Dan and his brother develop a new understanding of one another.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set prior to BIG and in the same universe as Exhausted.

_dont ring the door when you get here_

_Phil is having a lie down because of a headache_

_just text me_

_ Okay_

_ Here. You cannot back out now_

_Fuck off. be down in 5_

Dan was giving running another go. His brother was in the city and he wanted to spend some time with Dan while he was here. Dan felt bad that he didn't know his brother had been in London for the past few days until his brother texted him earlier that morning. Dan thought maybe it was mentioned at some point when he was at his family's house during Easter, but he couldn't remember and he felt like he couldn't ask now without giving it away that he forgot. They were still working out the dynamics of their relationship, with Adrian maturing out of the "little brother" role into something else. Dan wasn't sure what the new role was, but he was willing to explore it. Phil was close to his brother, and by extension, Dan was close with Phil's brother. It would be healthy to have his own brother more involved in his life. And maybe, by extension, Phil's life too. 

Dan had dedicated 2019 as the year of being healthy, in all forms of the word. He was working on sorting out his mental health and allowing himself to exhume emotions and thoughts from the past. He was eating clean and hydrating, for the most part. And, he was making himself exercise. He knew that without some lifestyle changes, digging through his past would be too much to take on without spiraling into the abyss. He needed something else to focus his attention on and ground him to reality. Training for a marathon felt a little overwhelming, but it was a great grounding experience. 

"Nice trainers. You have Amazon deliver them this morning?" Adrian greeted Dan at the door of the building with a smirk. Adrian was dressed in layers for the London weather and wearing a pair of old trainers. Still supportive enough to not cause injury, but well worn with kilometres of running and biking on them. 

While Dan's trainers were new, they were not that new. He had brought them awhile back and told himself he would use them to run outside. He used them a few times before he started to find excuses to just exercise inside the flat or to work with a personal trainer. Running outside felt too big at times and he was still trying to find the right balance of challenging himself and listening to the voices in his head so he would remain stable. 

"Is this just going to be bust Daniel's balls day?" Dan pulled down the hat on the back of his head so it covered most of his hair but still allowed some of the front to fray out in a Cole Sprouse look. He was dressed in layers as well, with the temperature a bit damp for the late afternoon. "Because I do that enough myself without you adding to it." 

"I don't need to know what you get up to with your balls, mate." Adrian laughed as he looked his brother over. It had been a few weeks since Easter Sunday and he was impressed with the transformation. He seemed...lighter? Like the weight of the world wasn't pushing him all the way down like usual. Or maybe it was that he was in London and not back home. Adrian just realized he had never seen his brother in London without his parents in tow. Adrian went with their parents to both London flats when Dan had moved in to them, but he never visited on his own. He never visited Dan when he was in Manchester. The main thing he remembered from their flat tour of the new place was Dan laughing off how small Phil's room was compared to his room. Dan seemed like his typical self then, on edge and a bit nervous. The Dan that stood in front of him now was different. Adrian did not feel the nervous energy radiating off his brother. It was a bit unnerving. 

Raising his hands to his hips and stretching his back, Dan ignored the thought that was telling him this wasn't a good idea. His brother was just being an early twentysomething and did not mean anything by it. He was just taking the piss like a brother would. They were working on figuring out their new dynamics, so maybe his brother was a bit nervous as well. 

"I'm just messing with you." Adrian stretched out his legs yet kept his eyes on his brother. That weight appeared to be pressing Dan down again and he felt like shite because he likely caused it. Dan had moved away when Adrian was still quite young, and over the years, he spent as little time as possible back home. Their time together typically consisted of interacting with other family members or just texts to alert the other to major life events. Them being around one another on their own was new and he didn't want to be the cause of messing it up. "Hey, I'm sorry." 

"I know. It's fine." Dan finished his stretch and looked around the area. There weren't many people around. One of the reasons he and Phil had picked the location was it was more of a business area than their previous flat. Walking to the shoppes or getting a coffee no longer included the imminent threat of running into a subscriber because the average age in the area was over 40. "Did you find the place alright?"

"Yes. Google is quite helpful." Adrian opened his phone to re-set the timer for their run. He had ran from his hotel to the flat. "I beat the estimated time here." 

"Good one." Dan groaned internally. His brother was going to have a nice little run and Dan was going to pass out along the way. "Ready?" 

"Lead the way." Adrian gestured for Dan to start on a path down the street. 

He was proud of himself. He lasted 30 minutes before he started slowing down and shouting for Adrian to wait while he caught his breath. 

"You have a good pace for a beginner." Adrian encouraged as he jogged back to where his brother stood with his hands on the back of his head to open up his chest for oxygen. Adrian stopped his timer and took a sip of his water. "You keep at it and you can definitely not die during the marathon." 

"That is.. the...goal." Dan spoke in between breaths. His heart was pounding and he wanted water, but he also didn't want to move his arms down. It was nice to take in deeper breaths while his body had a rest. 

The pair allowed their bodies to rest for a few more minutes, both drinking sips of water and stretching out their legs. 

"Why did you start working this hard at exercise?" Dan asked once he felt he could speak without sounding like he was out of breath. "It feels like torture."

"Because I was a sad sack of flab and it all got to be too much, you know?" Adrian gave one last stretch and turned to face his brother. "It was either continue down the sad, pathetic path that I was on, and be miserable, or do something about it." 

"I didn't. I mean. I did, but, you know?" Dan stumbled over his words at his brother's confession. He knew he had seen similar traits in his brother for a few years, but their relationship wasn't about sharing and reaching out to one another. It had never been. Dan was too wrapped up building a life away from his family and Adrian was too wrapped up in being a teenager and then an emerging adult. 

"Yeah. I get it. You have your own life and your own shite to deal with." Adrian took another sip of his water and waited to see if Dan would continue on with the conversation, or change it. His old brother would change the topic but he wasn't sure about this one. "And you weren't around it see it."

"It was different for me." Dan felt like he was using an excuse but it was true. Adrian did not have the same upbringing and experiences as him. He was quite a few years younger and their parents had planned for him. Adrian did not have as close of a relationship with their grandmother as Dan did, but that was because Adrian did not spend the majority of his early years at their house. Their parents raised Adrian since he was a baby. Adrian was closer with them in a way that Dan would never be. 

"I know. I mean, I think I know." Adrian was glad they were having this conversation. It was long overdue. "Because you're..."

"I'm what?" Dan felt like he did a few minutes ago when he was running down the pavement and trying to keep up with his brother. Hard to breathe and like he was going to die if he went even a step further. 

He didn't need to be close to his brother to see the panic flash across his face. Adrian decided to ease into the delicate topic and went with a different approach, not wanting to make his brother leg it and end all chance at forming a bond between them. "Older. You had a different experience because you were older. And, like, they weren't ready for you. I heard you say it before." 

"When? I never told you that." 

"You put it on the internet, Daniel." Adrian moved out of the way for a short lady in a trendy business suit and took satisfaction in the look of disgust she gave them at their topic of conversation. "I watch some of your stuff. It isn't hard to find out your thoughts about things. About our family." 

"I didn't know you watched. I mean, _none_ of you watch." Dan backed up against the brick building behind him. It was a common theme among their family: Unless something major was happening, like being on the radio, or a book or a tour, no one spoke much about Dan's career. Dan was both happy for it and also gutted that his family didn't seem to bother. 

"I'm not them. I know what the internet is. Jesus, Daniel, I'm younger than you. Oh course, I have seen stuff." Adrian moved closer to his brother and watched as more business people walked past them. "And then there is the stuff that is thrown in my face. There are some things that should never be sent to someone's brother."

"I already told you a million times I'm sorry about that. Most of them think they are just being sarcastic for a laugh." Dan crossed his arms over his body and then let them back down at his sides. He didn't know what to do with his body. "Some just don't know any boundaries." 

"I know. I've made peace with it. At times I'm impressed with the extent of their delusions." Adrian felt awkward and wasn't sure what to do with his hands, so he tucked them into the pockets of his joggers. "And some are picking up on the vibes between you. I know about the other thing too." 

"What other thing?"

"About you...and Phil." 

"What about me and Phil?"

"That you are together. That you live together. Like, live, live together." Adrian watched as the panic flashed over his brother's face again and he figured he needed to keep going or they would never finish this conversation. "I know you love him. I know that you have loved him for ages. Your room was next to mine. You would always be up talking to him. Then you kept visiting him until you fucking moved in with him. And when he wasn't around and you were home, you would mope around. You always hide away to call him during Christmas and family trips. I saw him once kiss your neck during someone's birthday, you both had went off to get something or whatever, and I saw it. You went on tour last year and it felt like you were having a continuous coming out party with the videos you both posted."

"You don't just get to..." Dan stood frozen against the wall. He didn't know what he wanted to say. There was too much rushing through his head at once. He knew. Of course he knew. He wasn't an idiot. Who else knew? Did they just not talk to him about it? Did they talk about it when he wasn't there? It would be easy to do, he was never there. Did his father know? His grandfather? "Is that what you do when I'm not there? I mean, do they all know?"

"Jesus, no. It is not like we all get together and talk about it." Adrian decided to not share a comment their father had made after Dan had first brought Phil around and introduced him as his friend he met from another friend in Manchester. "I don't know. There have been questions and the like. Nothing serious though. You two have lived together for what, 7 or 8 years? You never talk about girlfriends. You never talk about moving into your own place. What did you expect us to think?" 

"Nothing. It is none of your business." Dan felt the need to flee overtake the need to freeze and he turned away from his brother and started back home. He didn't get far before he stopped and turned, "You don't get to tell me how to tell you. Tell them. About anything." 

"I didn't mean to tell you how to tell anything." Adrian walked closer and avoided his brother's eyes for the next part. "I'm older now, you know. I don't want to just be your younger brother anymore. I want to be my own person and you make that hard. I don't have some big gay tragedy and I don't have millions of people boosting my mood all the time. I don't have some business connection to you like Martyn. But I want to have a...friendship with you? I don't know. Maybe I was wrong. I shouldn't have said anything. I take it back." 

"I need to not be outside right now." Dan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He understood where his brother was coming from. It worked out well having Martyn and Cornelia as both business partners and trip partners. But if the roles were reversed and Adrian had a partner with a brother that both worked and holidayed with them, Dan would be envious as well. "I really just need to not be here right now." 

"Okay." Adrian dropped his shoulders and went back to re-setting his phone. His mission failed and he likely made Dan want to retreat even further away from him. That was okay, he would just make more of an effort during the next family gathering. "I'll just finish the run back to my hotel..."

"Come to mine." Dan paused and took another breath. "I mean, come to mine and Phil's. We can have tea and continue this. I just cannot do this here."

"Are we running or getting a car?" 

"We can run, just don't try to show off or anything." Dan let some of his nerves leave as he waited for Adrian to come closer so they would start at the same time. Not that it mattered because Adrian would still beat him any day. Dan was half covered in sweat and his brother had a slight damping on his forehead. "It is not easy being your brother either, you know." 

"Tell me when we get to your flat." Adrian took off slowly and keep an easy pace on the way back. 

Dan took longer to catch his breath on the way back.

Opening their flat, Dan looked around and didn't see Phil anywhere nearby. 

"You can start us some tea? It is all in the kitchen area, help yourself." Dan took off his hat and kicked off his trainers, lining them up in the closet near the door with a few other sets of shoes. There was a pair of Phil's shoes that were just thrown in there, with one upside down. Dan told himself that he was happy that Phil at least put the shoes in their rightful spot and he could forgive him for not aligning them with the others. Dan straighten them and then stood to make his way toward their bedroom. "I'm going to check on him. He said it wasn't a bad one, but I want to make sure." 

"Okay, take your time." 

Their room was quiet and cool, with only the light from two nightlights casting soft shadows along the walls. Their room was their own sanctuary from the overstimulating world of video games, internet videos, and basic human interaction. 

Dan threw off his hoody and peeled off his other sweaty clothes near their closet before replacing them with an older shirt, new pants, and some soft joggers. His brother had barely broke a sweat but Dan needed new clothes if he was going to have a serious heart to heart with his brother. If his brother wasn't waiting, he would have taken a shower. He took Phil's old university hoody off the hanger as well. 

With his fresh clothes on and the hoody in his hands, Dan quietly walked toward Phil's side of the bed and sat down next to him without trying to disturb him. His eyes had adjusted to the dark and he could see Phil's form laying on his side, with his hands over his eyes. His face looked like it was in pain, and Phil had his knees tucked up close to his body. Phil might have thought it wasn't a bad one, but it seemed like it turned into one. 

The bin near the bed was empty and the nightstand had an empty glass. Dan had placed the bin near the bed in case he got sick and had given Phil his medication with a full glass of water before he left. Reaching for the glass to fill it up again, he was stopped by Phil's hand on his wrist.

Phil's eyes briefly opened but shut again following a wince at the light in the room. "Hello you," Dan whispered softly as smiled down at the unexpected contact. 

"No more. It will make me wee and I don't want to move." Phil whispered to Dan as he kept his eyes closed. Gently pulling Dan's hand to his forehead, Phil brushed Dan's hand against his forehead in a silent plea. 

Dan was even more gentle as he used his fingers to brush back the hairs falling onto Phil's forehead. His fringe was gone, but the hair still tried to fall back into its old pattern at times. Phil sighed at the soothing touch and burrowed into the pillow. 

Dan continued with the light brushing until he heard Phil's breathing even out and saw his eyelids start to twitch indicating sleep. Giving Phil a kiss near his temple, Dan stood and went back out to his brother. 

"He is asleep." Dan answered to Adrian raising his eyebrow toward the bedroom. 

"Where do you want to sit?" Adrian raised two steaming mugs as he asked. 

"Maybe we should go out on the terrace? I don't want to wake him." 

It was getting darker and the weather was getting cooler but it felt nice to relax on the small outside living space. There was an outside light attached to the building and Dan lit a lantern to give more light near the brothers. 

Dan pulled the hoody on before settling into his chair and taking his mug. The aroma of the tea mixed with the cool night air and Dan felt calmer. He was back in their home and Phil was resting on their bed. He had worked hard to build this life and sort out the thoughts in his head that plagued him for years. "Adrian." 

"Yes." Adrian looked up over his warm mug of tea to find his brother staring at him. 

"I'm in love with Phil. I have been since I was 18 years old, but I didn't truly allow myself to be comfortable loving him until I was around your age. I don't like the term gay because it has been used as such a derogatory word. I didn't tell you because I didn't know how. I'm still trying to sort this all out in my head. Which probably sounds stupid because I just told you that I have loved a man since I was barely old enough to understand love." Lowering his voice to a whisper and attempting to stop the tears from escaping his eyes, Dan continued, "I don't know how to tell Mum and Dad. I have thought about it and I just can't. Especially Dad. I have already disappointed him so much and...and..." 

"Thank you." He wanted to add that he thought their mother would be fine with it and that their father would likely have a stupid comment about it, but that they loved him and they weren't going to reject him. But he knew it wasn't what Dan needed right now. He just wanted to be heard and understood. And he could do that for him. "Thank you for trusting me with that part of yourself." 

Dan brushed away a few tears and took a sip of his tea. His brother had done a good job of making it just the way he liked it. 

The moment lingered on, with both sipping their tea and taking in the night. 

"Daniel." 

"Yes." 

"You are different here. I noticed it when you came downstairs. You just seemed more...happy?" 

"I'm safe here. With Phil, I always feel safe. It is sappy as fuck, but he literally saved me from myself. My therapist doesn't like me to say that because I'm supposed to be strong enough for myself and some other therapy soundbite." Taking another sip of his tea, Dan placed the mug down on the outside table and curled his legs up on the chair. His legs didn't like the movement after the running, but it felt safer to sit like that. "I know you saw some of the bruises when I was in school, but it wasn't the worst of it. I had to be careful at all times at that school, and even outside of it. I was stupid and thought declaring bisexuality to the world would be freeing, but it placed me in this box. I don't know. They were cruel and there were times that I literally feared for my life around them." 

"That day you came home with your face bashed in and didn't speak to anyone for a week, that was a bad one, right?" Adrian found more of the puzzle pieces falling together as Dan spoke. He heard it had been rough for Dan, with their parents shouting about it to each other at times when they thought Adrian wasn't listening. Their parents tried to talk to Dan about it at different points, but from what Adrian remembered, Dan would just brush it off as mates being too rough with one another. 

"You told me you heard a rumour from a friend, about me snogging some bloke at a party?" Dan sat up further in the chair and hugged his legs closer, he was almost too big to be able to fold himself up like that anymore. "I didn't kiss him then, but I had kissed him before. He was nice and fit, and he spoke to me without making me feel like I needed to protect myself from him. I was wrong." 

"He hurt you, didn't he?" 

"I was leaving the party and he stopped me. He was drunk and he wouldn't let me leave. He pushed me down and forced his hard cock against my face until I could shout for him to stop. He must have panicked because then I had his knee against my face and he punched me once I slammed my head against the ground. He did that in front of everyone at that party. Fuck, the whole town was there. I didn't like being around them before, and I cannot stomach the thought of being around them now. I avoid going back home because I just cannot deal with it. I was a completely different person back them. I hated myself. I hated everything about myself. I get to be me here. I get to love Phil here and create a life together on our own terms. I'm different here because I know that I'm safe here." 

"I can understand that." Adrian set aside his own mug and allowed the information to process. "I mean, it wasn't as bad as you had it, but I had bullies at my school as well. It is hard when you don't fit in. Standing out can be terrifying, especially at that age. I guess that is why I love exercising and focusing on being healthy so much. I get to create my own version of myself and if I'm not happy with something, I work on it until I am. It is rewarding." 

A few more moments passed and then Dan stood. "I need to check on him. You can stay out here if you want, but I might be awhile." 

"No, I'll go. Early morning and all that." Adrian gathered the mugs and followed Dan back into the flat. "Hey, Daniel." 

"Yeah," Dan yawned as he locked the door to the terrace. He took the mugs from his brother and placed them in the sink. He would deal with them tomorrow. 

"Can we continue to run together? I think it would be good for us. You know, get to know one another." Adrian pulled his shoes back on near the door. 

Standing near the door, Dan gave him a genuine smile. "I would like that."

Dan settled their home for the evening and went to check on Phil.

The room was quiet with only the soft breathing sounds on the bed heard in the room. Phil had sought his touch earlier, so Dan slid over with minimal movement and pressed his body against Phil's. Hugging his arm around Phil's stomach, Dan heard Phil sigh in his sleep but he did not wake. 

"Goodnight, love." Dan whispered to the back of Phil's neck and closed his eyes. He allowed himself to become lighter and lighter as his drifted off to sleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

Waking with only a dull headache, Phil reached to the other side of the bed and found it empty. It wasn’t completely unusual that Dan would wake before him, but within the past few months, it was a bit unusual that he would leave the room before Phil did. While he was working on his script and processing the emotions related to the topic of his sexuality, he hadn’t ventured far from Phil’s side for extended periods of time. 

Phil was happy that Dan’s brother had texted him to go running. With his migraine, Phil was useless to Dan yesterday. Phil knew that taking care of him gave Dan a purpose for the day, but Phil was glad that Dan would focus his attention on something else. Running was good for him and forming a relationship with his brother would hopefully be good for him as well. 

Using the restroom and brushing his teeth, Phil noticed that Dan hadn’t taken care of his towels nor his clothes from the day before. After tidying up the room, Phil ventured to get coffee. 

In the kitchen, Phil found two mugs in the sink that were not rinsed, with rings dried around the bottom. Dan was a very ordered and neat person, and he typically took care of his items, so it was worrying that he wasn’t functioning as usual. Not that much of his behaviour within the past few months had been normal. 

Phil went on the search for Dan with two coffees, and found Dan in the gaming room staring at the computer. He set the coffees down on the desk to the side of Dan, not trusting himself to hold them while greeting him. 

Wrapping his arms around Dan’s shoulders from behind, Phil jumped as Dan startled and drew his arms close to his body. 

Dan kept his arms close to his chest as he turned the chair to face his attacker. “Jesus, Phil! Announce yourself or something.” 

“Sorry.” Phil raised his hand to his heart and tried to settle his own reaction. “But I was noisy! I figured you heard me.” 

Dan had been sat in front of a blank document without a title. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there, but it was around 6 am when he woke up that morning. He already had a text from his brother asking to go for a run later in the day. Phil was still asleep and he wanted to let him rest after his rough day yesterday. He busied himself by washing the sweat off from the day before and decided to dedicate the rest of the morning to narrowing down his topics surrounding secondary school. 

Now that he was calmer, he saw that Phil looked better today than he had yesterday and that there were two mugs of coffee on the desk. “For me?” 

“Yes.” Phil smiled and moved over to grab Dan’s mug. He used both of his hands to hand it to him and waited until Dan had it secure before he leaned down and kissed his lips. “Guten Morgen.” 

“You are better today.” Dan blew on his mug and turned back to the blank document. The words were not coming today so he turned it off and then focused his attention back to Phil. Phil had sat on the sofa behind him and was blowing on his own mug. Phil looked better today. His short hair was a mess and he was wearing wrinkled clothes from the day before with his glasses, but he didn’t seem to be in pain. 

“Just that dull ache that lingers the next day. This should help with that.” Phil nodded as he took his first drink of caffeine. 

A comfortable silence took over the room as both enjoyed their coffee and watched one another. Phil broke the silence after a few minutes, by kicking at Dan’s foot and stating, “I had a dream.” 

“ATM robots taking over Tokyo again? Or something less likely?” Dan took another drink and rubbed his foot against Phil’s sock covered one. 

“It was a dream about us.” Phil grinned remembering the dream and using more pressure against Dan’s foot. 

“So a right boring one then.” Dan laughed as he took another drink. Phil often had dreams of them and then he would try to conceive Dan that it was a psychotic premonition of their future. There were times that Phil was right, but other times his imagination appeared to just be going in overdrive. 

“Not this one. We were Formula 1 racecar drivers and we were good at it. You were a new racer and I was the one you were trying to beat.” Phil tried to wiggle his eyebrows and ended up making a weird movement with his forehead. “You stalked me on social media until I noticed you and then when we had our first race together, afterward you stalked me in the racing pit or whatever they call it.” 

“As if you would be a racecar driver. You would get sick from all that movement, or more likely, take out the whole spectator section when you saw something shiny and turned toward it.” Dan said with no malice in his tone and confirmed his playful mood by moving down further in the computer chair and running his foot up to Phil’s ankle. 

“No, not in this reality. I was a champion and we were fit! Remember the drivers we saw? Even more fit than that. And the media loved us, but the other racers were jealous. We kept winning and all the focus turned to which one of us was going to get the most points to win the whole thing. We even had fangirls.” 

“So a pair of hunch giants with social media speculation about their life? That sounds like our life now.” Dan sat down his empty mug and took Phil’s away before sitting down on the sofa close to Phil. He continued with his playful mood. “Tell me more.” 

“We obviously had interest in one another but we would just keep teasing each other.” Phil leaned in closer and slowed down his words as he lowered his voice. “At every race, we would find moments to be near each other when no one was around. It was our secret because your dad was a member of your racing crew and the other drivers were just trying to find anything about us to discredit us to the media. But we could never touch.” 

“Sounds less rubbish now.” Dan leaned in closer and kissed Phil’s lips, meeting Phil’s tongue for a moment before kissing down his face to his throat. Dan’s hand found the bottom of Phil’s shirt and moved it to make contact with the warm skin of his stomach. Dan mimicked Phil’s tone as he asked Phil to continue with the story. “Tell me more.” 

“After an intense race where we were racing so close that our cars kept rubbing into one another and the audience was watching with bated breath if one of us would be pushed off the track or we would end up crashing into one another, you found me in the pit area to congratulate me on my narrow win.” Phil sighed and arched his head to the side as Dan’s teeth bit lightly at the skin near his right ear. “Everyone was gone, off celebrating the win or something and we stood there staring at one another. The tension was so thick between us and we both smelled like racing fuel and sweat. Our suits both dirty from the race. It was so masculine, and I wanted to know what you tasted like.” 

“Don’t stop now.” Dan stopped kissing along Phil’s neck to meet Phil’s eyes.

Phil’s eyes were watching Dan closely, with Phil seeing a want that had been missing for awhile. With Dan going through his past and sorting out his shame, they hadn’t had sex in a few weeks. Their relationship was strong enough to withstand some dry periods, but it was nice to get lost in feeling of Dan wanting him. 

Dan brushed his hand down the front of Phil’s stomach until he was underneath his pajamas, but still over his pants. Rubbing into the hardness he found there, Dan moaned. “What happened next?” 

Phil took in a breath and bit his lip before leaning closer to capture Dan’s lips. Dan’s hand felt good and he wondered how far Dan was willing to take this. He had been waiting for Dan to give him a sign that he was ready for them to have sex again, but he knew that Dan might not be fully ready yet. Giving him one last kiss, Phil leaned his forehead against Dan’s and continued as he watched Dan close his eyes and lean further into Phil’s space. “I walked toward you, with my racing suit unzipped and pushed down to my waist. Only a thin shirt covering my upper body. You were dressed the same, only with a darker racing suit on. I smiled at you and it broke some of the tension between us. Then I kissed you and you caught my lip between yours. We both rushed to deepen the kiss, and our hands were everywhere. Everything around us stopped and it was just you and me. You tasted so sweet.” 

Phil lowered his head to take Dan’s lips and raised his hips into Dan’s hand. Searching for the bottom of Dan’s shirt, Phil wrapped both of his hands around Dan’s lower back and tried to pull Dan closer to him. Their legs bumped into one another and it wouldn’t work with the small amount of space they had. 

Phil took a second to gather his breathing and reached for the hand that wasn’t down his trousers. Dan was having a similar problem with his breathing and Phil did not see any signs telling him to stop. 

Phil pulled Dan up by his hand, and walked backward until his back was against a bare part of the wall. “We kissed for what felt like hours and then you pushed me against the wall of the racing trailer. You pressed your weight against mine and I felt everything. Your strong chest and hardening cock. Your large hands seeking skin or whatever you could find. The smell of racing fuel and manly things surrounded us.” 

Dan stepped closer into Phil’s space and pressed his weight against Phil’s, with both his hands pressing against the wall near Phil’s sides. Phil’s hands were under his shirt and he was slowly dragging his fingernails down his back. “Did we kiss again?” 

“Ummhmm.” Phil nodded and pressed his weight forward to get to Dan’s mouth again. The kiss intensified quickly, with both fighting for control as hands found skin anywhere they could. Phil let Dan win for a minute and then pulled back yet kept his face near. “Your hand found mine and you moved them between us. Then your hand was on my dick and mine was on yours. We kept trying to kiss one another but it was too much. Our faces just sunk down into each other’s necks and stayed there. We were making so much noise and rutting against one another making the trailer wall shake a bit. I was sure that someone was going to hear us, but that made it even hotter. You felt so good in my hand. We were both so hard and leaking and…” 

“God, Phil.” Dan slid in hand into Phil’s pants to find his cock and felt Phil do the same to him. Dan kept his other hand on the soft skin of Phil’s hip, with Phil pressing Dan in closer with his free hand on his upper back. The room felt warm. Phil was full and warm in his hand, twitching in need. Dan was so hard and he felt overwhelmed in the best way. Dan let his face sink into Phil’s neck and rest there as his hand worked along Phil’s length. 

Phil let out a deep moan and kissed along Dan’s neck until he lost coordination, mimicking Dan and resting his face against Dan’s neck. Dan was hard in his hand and it had been so long since Dan had wanted this, Phil was finding it hard to process everything that was happening. 

“If this okay?” Phil spoke into Dan’s ear as he increased his grip on Dan’s cock, sliding the foreskin back and forth in a rhythm that felt familiar and missed. 

“Yes.” Dan kissed Phil’s ear and demanded Phil continue before burying his head back into the damp heat of Phil’s neck. “Keep talking.” Dan attempted to step even closer into Phil’s space and irrationally hated the wall for stopping him from completely fusing himself into Phil’s body. He wanted this.

“We kept touching one another and….pushing into one another….fuck, Dan.” Phil whined as everything started to become too much and it was harder to find the words. “I can’t.” 

“Did we finish in our pants? In the dream.” Dan’s voice was low and sounded wrecked even to his own ears. He felt his own orgasm nearing and he wanted to make it last a few moments longer. He slowed his hand on Phil’s erection and stopped pressing into Phil as frantically. “Did we ruin our suits?” 

“Fuck.” Phil let out a long breath and pressed harder into Dan’s space, not liking that Dan was slowing down. He wanted to get him back to the same pace, but the brief break helped him form the words he needed to continue. “I thought I heard someone nearby and I tried to get you to back away, but you were too far gone. I don’t even know if you heard anything I said and then...God, keep going just like that ...and you came into my hand. It was warm and wet. I felt like you were claiming me. I lost it and came so hard I lost time.” 

Dan listened to Phil and kept the pace Phil wanted, knowing that it was going to be over soon either way. Pressing his full weight against Phil and increasing the speed of his hand, Dan felt it overtake him and he pressed his open mouth against Phil’s throat. Phil followed close behind. 

Both stayed wrapped up in one another and panting into each other’s neck as they softened in each other’s hands. Phil eventually lowering his arm down so it rested near the small of Dan’s back, gripping his shirt. 

Dan always felt peace in the aftermath of an orgasm and the need to cling to Phil would increase to allow the feeling to last longer, but both were shaky from standing the whole time and he wanted to take another shower. 

Phil smiled into Dan’s neck as he felt Dan start kissing up his neck to his mouth. Dan’s eyes were still closed and he seemed to have enjoyed reenacting the dream as much as Phil did. Giving Dan a slow kiss, he slowly pushed Dan back to stand on his own. “I need a shower.” 

“Hold my hand on the way there so I don’t fall down.” Dan allowed his eyes to open and take in the light from the room. Phil looked happier than he had seen him in forever and he was glad that he was a part of making Phil look so content. He missed being so close they felt like one. 

The shower was warm and quick for Dan, as he had one earlier in the day. He stayed in the shower while Phil had a proper wash though, not wanting to leave his side just yet. 

“You really liked that, didn’t you?” Phil gave a soft smile toward Dan as Dan stood watching him rinse off the body wash under the spray. “I didn’t know that masculine racecar drivers was a thing for you. It makes sense though.” 

“I think it had more to do with me and you than the racecar drivers.” Dan brushed away a few bubbles on Phil’s chest that he missed as he stepped closer. “I haven’t wanted that in a while. It was nice to get lost in us again.” 

“I know.” Phil turned off the water and turned back to a sad looking Dan. Kissing his forehead and then wrapping his arms around his back to draw him nearer, Phil hugged Dan’s wet body close to his. “It’s fine. We have had more than our fair share of sexy times over the years. I have vaults and vaults of memories to get myself off to.” 

“I love you.” Dan hugged back and placed gentle kisses along Phil shoulder, then up his neck to his face. “So much.” 

Phil smiled into the kiss Dan gave him and then pushed Dan back so he would see his face. “I know. You show me every day, even when you need time. And the lucky thing is, I love you just as much. Imagine if one of us wasn’t that into each other, we would have driven the other mad years ago.” 

Dan kissed his lips and then his cheek. “Okay let’s get dressed before we both melt into a pile of sappy goo.” 

“Sappy goo that would be hard to separate from one another.” Phil kept his hand in Dan’s and laughed as they moved toward their bedroom. “Maybe we have already went a bit mad.” 

\---------

The door buzzed later in the afternoon, with both Dan and Phil startling from their cozy spot laid against one another on the sofa watching a film. It had been a lazy day following their shower, but nether minded it. The volume was turned down low and either of them were really watching it. 

“Did I tell you Adrian wants me to run with him again today?” Dan asked from his spot underneath Phil, with Phil laid half against his chest and half on the sofa. “I think I forgot to tell you he texted me this morning.”

“You did forget. I’ll invite him up.” Phil pushed himself off Dan and almost fell back on top of him before he was able to stand. Watching something flash across Dan’s face, Phil paused, “Is that okay?”

“Yes.” Dan answered slowly, not sure if he meant it. Pushing himself up into a standing position, Dan tried to figure out what his hesitation was. 

Yesterday had went well. It was a surprise that Adrian had confronted him with the knowledge that he knew about Dan’s sexuality, but it wasn’t a problem. Dan was okay with Adrian knowing. Right? 

Or was it that Adrian was going to be in their flat and it hadn’t been staged for him? It wasn’t last night either, but Dan was too preoccupied in not panicking and making sure that Phil was okay that he didn’t take the time to think about it. While their flat didn’t scream they were together, there were subtle hints around the flat that showed their relationship. A framed picture near the television that had been taken around the first time they met in person, both of them looking like such fetuses and so in love it was sickening. There was another picture in their bedroom that was taken a few years back on a trip to visit Phil’s parents, with the pair stood with their arms wrapped around one another with a sunset in the background. Phil’s mother had taken the picture in secret and given to them for Christmas. Nothing that was incriminating or Dan would think to hide if it was someone he trusted. 

He was always on edge when his parents came around. Pictures were hidden and he spent days going around the flat making sure everything was put away that could even hint at the fact that he was with Phil. It was such a waste of his time, but it was needed to get him through the experience. His mother attempted to drop in one day, thankfully she had rang Dan a few hours before to make sure he was home before she just showed up at their door. The worst was the bedrooms, but after their first walk through when they moved in, Dan figured his mother wouldn’t request to see his bedroom, or Phil’s, but he still went through and made a sweep of both to make sure there was nothing in it. 

The buzzer went off again and Dan heard his phone chime a few seconds later. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. 

Reaching for his phone, Dan saw his hand was trembling. He noticed his breath next and then the tight feeling in his chest. He had tears in his eyes and he didn’t know why. 

Phil stood taking it all in, confused at the reaction Adrian’s presence was causing Dan. “Talk to me.” 

“He knows.” Dan tried to unlock his phone but he couldn’t keep his hand steady enough to press the button. He threw it in Phil’s direction harder then he meant. The urge to hide entered his mind and Dan wondered what ailment he would fake to get his brother to leave. Dammit, he had been doing so well and it was such a nice and relaxing day. 

“What does he know?” Phil surprisingly caught the phone by wrapping both his arms around his middle in an attempt to stop it from falling to the ground. Unlocking the phone, he saw a message from Adrian announcing his arrival. “It says he is here.” 

“About us. About me.” Dan felt his stomach turn and for the first time in a really long time, he felt like he might be sick. 

“Did you tell him?” 

Dan shook his head but stopped as the movement was making the nausea worse. “He said he just knew. He knew.” 

“Was he cross? Was he upset about it?” 

“No. He wasn’t anything about it. He told me and I shouted at him that he didn’t have the right to tell me about myself. Then, I don’t know. We came back here and I told him more about school and you saving me from that life. He seemed to understand. It was nice, you know? Why am I reacting like this? This is stupid.” Dan rubbed away the wetness in his eyes and stood up straighter. “Fuck, this is stupid.” 

The buzzer when off again and Dan’s phone flashed a new message. 

“What do you want me to do?” Phil looked down to the phone and then back to Dan. His eyes were red and his cheeks flushed, still clearly panicking. “Should I tell him you’re ill?”

“No.” Dan took a deep breath and looked around the room until he saw the picture of him and Phil near the television. “Let him in. I need to use the toilet. I will be right back.” 

Phil watched as Dan took the photo of them by the television and then retreated to the other side of the flat. Standing in shock for a new more moments, Phil moved toward the door as Dan’s phone flashed again with a longer message asking if Dan was ignoring Adrian. 

“‘ello. Um, come up for a minute.” Phil said with a cheery voice, not trying to give away his own unease. 

It only took a few minutes until Adrian was at the entrance to their flat, with Phil greeting him at the door and standing back so he could enter. 

Adrian kicked off his trainers and lined them up against the closet near the door. He was dressed to run, but he had walked his way over from the hotel today. It took him longer, but it was nice to clear his head by watching the city move around him. 

“Where’s Daniel?” Adrian let out an awkward laugh at Phil’s wide eyes staring at him, frozen in the same spot he stood when he opened the door for him. 

“Toilet.” Phil said quickly and then shook his head to clear his nerves. Why was he nervous? It was just Dan’s brother. Someone he had been around at multiple different occasions over the years. Maybe Dan’s anxious energy had transferred to him. “Want to sit?” 

Without waiting for an answer, Phil turned toward the lounge and sat down on their sofa. The film was still playing on the television, with the volume low from before. Phil didn’t know if he should pause it or just let it continue in the background. 

Adrian followed behind Phil and sat in a chair near the sofa. It was too weird to not talk and not watch the film at the same time, so Adrian attempted to start a conversation. “Daniel is running well. His pace is good, he just needs to work on his stamina. We ran for awhile yesterday. He said you had a headache? Feeling better today?” 

“Yes, thank you.” Phil forced himself to sit back further into the sofa and allow his body to relax some. It was just Dan’s brother. Someone that looked similar to Dan and meant him no harm. Swallowing, Phil searched for a topic to talk about. “You run a lot?”

“It is a hobby that I picked up, yes. I prefer to bike but I don’t trust myself on a bike in London.” 

“You here long?”

“Daniel didn’t tell you?” 

“He mentioned you were here yesterday, but with my head feeling like it was in a vice grip, I cannot remember if he told me why.” Phil joked, still trying to relax his body and mind. Phil wondered if this was the first time he ever had a conversation with Dan’s brother without Dan present. Surely, it couldn’t have been the first time? 

“I’m thinking of what my next steps will be and I am staying at a hotel for a few days while I gather my thoughts. It seemed like a good time for a holiday and I wanted to visit Daniel. Well, really both of you. I saw your pictures from the tour and your postings last year. It looks like you guys had a great year. He seemed almost pained during Christmas and I thought maybe you two were separating or something. Then he went silent online and I really thought maybe something was wrong. He spent most of Easter Sunday with the dog and he seemed worse. But he never tells us bloody anything so I figured I would ask him.” 

“We haven’t. Separated, I mean. We are still together.” Phil felt uncomfortable talking about this to Dan’s brother. Dan’s family had always been a firm topic and it was agreed upon that Phil was not to share anything with Dan’s family that they wouldn’t tweet out to the world. Sitting here and talking about their relationship, no matter how limited they were talking about it, seemed like he was going against Dan’s wishes. “Dan will be right out, I’m sure.” 

“We talked last night. About school and a bit about your relationship. He really is gone for you. I mean, ten years with you. Daniel could never commit to anything but you seem to be the exception. He shared some painful stuff with me. It was the most real version of my brother that I ever had a conversation with. He is a different person here. Probably because of you. Thank for you being that person for my brother.” 

“He is that person for me too.” Phil smiled down to his hands. “We have had our moments, but we are just it for each other.”

“I’m chuffed for you both.” Adrian smiled as he saw a blush creep up Phil’s face. 

Phil noticed that Adrian had a similar smile to Dan’s and it allowed him to relax some more. Adrian was Dan’s family and it was okay to have these types of conversations with family. Phil knew Martyn regularly tried to take the piss with Dan about their relationship. It is what families do. They share information about their lives and talk about feelings and the like. 

“Is there someone in your life?” Phil asked before he was interpreted by his phone. With his phone making three more Facebook messenger notifications sounds before he located it. It was sat near Dan’s phone on a side table in the lounge. “It is Dan.” 

“Isn’t he in the flat?” Adrian laughed. “Why doesn’t he just come out here?”

“He said he cannot go running today. But he wants you to stay for dinner. He said he will order take away but he cannot promise it will all be vegan.” Phil read the messages out loud, realizing that Dan must either be in their room or near another computer sending him messages since his phone was still in the lounge. “He is also requesting that you go to the shoppe and get some spirits. He said to use his card and get Primm’s and the other ingredients to make the drink. He said you know what they are.” 

“Okay…” Adrian laughed again as he stood. Stopping before he had his shoes on, Adrian asked, “Is this him freaking out?” 

“Probably. Take your time at the shoppe.” Phil walked Adrian to the door and handed him their spare card. “I’ll go sort him out and we will have a nice dinner. He...I don’t know if I should say or just wait for him to explain it. It’s hard for him, you know?” 

“I don’t know. That is what I want to change.” Adrian gave Phil a sad look before leaving the flat to gather the requests. 

Dan was in their room when Phil found him. Sat on the bed with an open laptop resting near him. The room was dark, with the only light in the room coming from the laptop. 

“Is he gone?” 

“Yes. I think he understands.” Phil joined Dan on the bed, sitting in front of him with one leg bent in front of him. The light from the laptop allowed Phil to see that Dan had calmed himself from before, but he wasn’t back to his typical self yet. “Or he wants to.” 

“What should we order? Do you think that Indian place has good vegan food? I don’t even know what he wants. Should I ask him? Did you bring my phone?” Reaching for the laptop to start his search for the best vegan Indian food, Dan felt the tears in his eyes again. “Maybe I should just ask him?”

Setting the laptop to the side, Phil took Dan’s arms and pulled him into a hug. Ignoring the pain in his leg from the awkward angle, Phil rubbed up and down Dan’s back and allowed his presence to settle Dan. 

“Why am I so scared of my little brother?” Dan asked shifting closer to Phil on the bed. “I shouldn’t be afraid of someone that shares the most DNA with me.” 

“It’s new and change is scary.” Phil moved so his leg wasn’t bent at an awkward angle anymore and he could wrap his arms more securely around Dan’s back. “He said he was worried that we might have separated and that is why you went ghost on social media, and why you were acting weirder than usual at family gatherings. He said he wanted to make sure you were okay. He wants to be closer to you if you let him.” 

“I think I do too.” Dan pulled back and rested his head against Phil’s. “I really should order that take away so we have something to focus on besides this...whatever it is. Oh, shit, I left you out there alone with him. I’m sorry.” 

“I don’t think I ever had a proper conversation with him before. Granted he was young until just a few years ago, but still. It is a bit mental, isn’t it?” Phil rested his hands on Dan’s knees, tracing small circles as he talked. “He thanked me for being there for you.”

“Just don’t let him be your favourite.” Dan half joked as he watched Phil trace the circles on his knees, not trusting himself if he saw any sign of that Phil might like his brother more on Phil’s face. “I need to stay that person.” 

“Without a doubt, you are my favourite person.” Phil paused. “My mum is a very close second. She told me it was okay that she was second now.” 

“I’m not jealous of your mum.” Dan let out a breath and debated sharing more. Stupid irrational thoughts had a habit of taking up residency in his head at times, and he almost didn’t want to acknowledge the thought because then he might give it power. “He is the better brother, is all. He just, he has his issues but he clearly wins in the competition of the best son. It is pathetic that I’m nearly 28 years old and I am comparing myself to my younger brother. Don’t make him your favourite.” 

“Dan.” Phil said softly and waited for Dan to lift his head. “He will never be my favourite. Never.” 

Dan kissed Phil’s nose and took a deep breath before he went back to his task of ordering food. 

The take away arrived before Adrian, with Dan and Phil sharing the responsibility of getting the dishes ready and the counter cleared. 

They were finishing with the silverware when the door buzzed again. Phil gave a glance to Dan, making sure he was still ready for Adrian to be back in the flat. Dan nodded and watched as Phil buzzed Adrian in the building. 

Phil opened the door to find Adrian with a few bags and took the bags so Adrian could get his shoes off. 

“Hello.” Dan greeted his brother from his spot standing behind the chair in the kitchen area. “We have a lot of food. Some even vegan, or advertised as vegan.” 

“Thank you.” Adrian smiled and gestured to the bags Phil set on the counter further into the kitchen. “I think I got all the ingredients for your fancy, posh drink.” 

“Don’t act like it isn’t your drink of choice.” Dan felt the tension leave him at the familiarity of the topic. Adrian frequently teased Dan for his preferred alcoholic drink but then would choose the same drink as well. “You got so drunk off it once, grandmother shouted at you for being sick in her flowers.”

“I was 16! I didn’t know that drinking on a stomach filled with only Christmas sweets would lead to a volcanic eruption.” Adrian laughed as he started unpacking the bags with Phil to lay out the ingredients. “You were supposed to warn me about things like that. You were the older one.” 

“I assumed it was common sense that mixing alcohol with a nearly empty stomach would lead to misery. It wasn’t like I had someone to teach me about that crap. I learned for myself.” Dan watched Phil and Adrian make their drinks and his heart ached a little realizing he was okay with this. 

Adrian stayed after dinner. The three of them sat around the table, drinking and talking about what was going on in their lives. As the evening progressed, Dan and his brother shared some stories about their family that Phil had never heard before. 

All three of them were pleasantly buzzed off the posh drink when Adrian asked if he could ask some questions about Dan. 

“As long as I can reserve the right to not answer them.” Dan finished his last sip of his drink and set the glass down, freeing his hand to join Phil’s on the table. It was the first intentional physical contact Dan made with Phil in front of his brother, with Dan only half aware that he was allowing himself to hold Phil’s hand in front of his brother. 

“So you had your girlfriend before Phil, and you were with her for ages, right?” Adrian did not wait for Dan to answer before he continued with his question. Adrian waved to Phil and smiled at him. “Phil comes along and, you click or whatever. Then you are with Phil, like properly with him since you were 18.” 

“Yes.” Dan looked to Phil briefly and waited to see where the question was going. 

“Does that mean, and sorry if this is a bit personal, but I have to know, not that it matters because it doesn’t. I just want to know.” Adrian wondered if he should have switched to water after he finished his last drink, because it felt like the words were muddled together. “What I mean is, is Phil the only guy you have been with? Like, I don’t need details. Please, do not give me details. But, I don’t know, did you even ever kiss another guy?”

The alcohol helped to numb the memory of Kieran and Dan felt he could trust his brother with the answer. They were bonding and it felt natural to share maybe a few personal details about themselves. 

“Some emo mates when I was too young to even know what I was doing. The guy I told you about yesterday. I kissed him, if you recall. It was very brief though and I don’t even think about him in that way.” Dan fidgeted with Phil’s hand, needing something to do to distracted his mind away from going too deep into that memory. “I kissed a guy at uni. It was a dare and he was straight. It was awful. I felt so gutted that I immediately rang Phil crying about betraying him.” 

“I talked him down and told him that I wasn’t bothered that he acted on a dare with a straight guy.” Phil handed Dan a fork that went unused during dinner, with Dan immediately using the fork as a fidget to settle some of the nervous energy. 

“What about you?” Dan asked as he wiggled the fork with his right hand, feeling the vibration of the movement go up his fingers. 

“Same. It was a dare and everyone was drinking. I liked it. It was just a kiss and it got everyone cheering.” Adrian looked down at the table and laughed to himself. “I wondered at the time, oh man, this is so stupid. I wondered if I should tell you about it at the time. Ring you up in London and share that I liked snogging a boy, so maybe you would feel comfortable enough to tell me that maybe you liked snogging boys too.” 

“I wouldn’t have.” Dan answered seriously. “I would have made a joke about it and maybe asked you if you were gay. If you would have said yes, I don’t know what I would have done. Probably hang up the phone and ignore you, thinking you were messing with me.” 

“Okay, I have slept with two females. Proper sex, I won’t count the other teenage stuff that wasn’t anything serious.” Adrian felt his tongue get looser and knew he was being brave because of the alcohol with the next question. “How many females you have slept with? Proper sex.” 

Phil rubbed his thumb along Dan’s hand at the question, knowing it was likely too personal of a question for Dan to answer. He was surprising Phil with how long this topic had been allowed.  


“None.” 

“Really. Damn. Not even...what was her name?” 

“No. I…” Dan bit the inside of his lip too hard and debated whether he would answer this honestly or give some half truth like she didn’t want to or something. “I couldn’t. Physically couldn’t allow myself to go there. I thought it would be easier, but I just couldn’t.” 

“Wow. I guess that makes sense though, right? I kissed that bloke but I never thought I wanted to have sex with him. I don’t know if I could be physically attracted to another guy like that.” Adrian pondered the idea for a few seconds and then confirmed, “No, I don’t think I could. Wait, so...” 

“No.” Dan just knew where he was going with this and decided to answer before he could ask. “I haven’t been with any other guys like that either.” 

Adrian knew it was likely insensitive but he couldn’t stop his jaw from going slack at the answer. Another thought hit him when he was trying to close his mouth again. “So, only Phil? In your whole life? Only Phil?” 

Dan nodded his answer and set the fork down, pushing it away from him. 

The reality of his sexual history popped into his head every now and then. He even spoke about it a few times with Phil over the years. Phil had been with a few people before him, and while he didn’t like to think about Phil with someone else, he was okay knowing that Phil got to explore other options before him. Options that were not right for him or they wouldn’t have gotten together, but still he had other experiences to reference. Most of the time, it was a completely non-issue and Phil even said that he liked that Dan hadn't been with anyone else beside him. But, it was natural to be curious about the unknown. 

“I don’t know if I should ask the next question.” Adrian wanted to, but he wondered if he had already went too personal too soon. They were still working out this new honesty and bonding thing between them. He didn’t want to set them backwards. “No, forget it. I don’t need to know.” 

“Right now, it is something that I am not interested in. I like the comfort of monogamy and I don't think I could ever love anyone the way I love Phil. I will likely never be interested in the future, but me and Phil will discuss it if it becomes an issue.” Dan figured everything was already out there, might as well go all the way. “Okay, new topic because I feel like we both know too much about each other right now.” 

“Favourite brand of body wash?” Phil threw out as the next topic of conversation and laughed as both brothers turned their attention to him with the same look of utter confusion.

Their evening naturally reached it conclusion as everyone started to yawn. Phil offered Adrian the spare bedroom and insisted that Adrian stay the night. He didn't need to waste his money with a driving service and there was no way they would allow Adrian to walk back to his hotel. 

In the morning, Dan cooked breakfast for everyone and Phil made the coffee. They kept the conversation light and soon Adrian was off to go back to his hotel. Adrian texted both in a group chat to thank them for the evening and tell them he arrived safely. He never would have bothered before to send a text, but it seemed expected now. And he liked that.


End file.
